It has been some time since my last post. I have been reflecting for months.
It is no secret that I have been through a lot of challenges my entire life, and especially the last decade.
Some of what happened was so difficult I wish I could forget it forever, but at the same time, I am glad I went through it because each incident brought more and issues to the surface that needed to be dealt with.
Some problems floated to the top like congealed fat from a cold roast. There was no escaping or denying it. Trauma had occurred and it had permeated my being. I was full of negativity, no matter how positive I tried to be.
For the record, I do not like negative anything. Life is too short, you know?
Yesterday, at around 11:00 am, I had an epiphany that I could heal myself from past hurts by doing one simple thing and doing it consistently. I really believed I could deal with some deeply imbedded old pain and patterns with a simple, four letter word.
For most of us that have survived difficulties, we can trace it back to a maternal bond that was broken somehow, or to an adult that was intrusive in our lives when we were young. As children, we can only cope with the trauma so well on our own. It leaves a hole in the soul for many, only to be filled with negative things that do not facilitate any type of healing.
It doesn't occur to us as children that we should fill that hole with something that will heal it. We don't have the thought processes at a young age to know how to cope in a healthy way, so we develop habits. We find ways to cope with that particular painful shattering time or times in our childhood. Then we take that pattern and live it… and eventually project it onto others in the world. These projections happen in the home, in friendships and in the workplace, and all of us are greatly affected by them, regardless if we understand or acknowledge them.
I began to realize how so many of us are just projecting constantly onto each other. A complaint is a mere projection. People are mirrors that reflect our issues. Marriages and close relationships are two projectors shining on each other. If there are holes in our personality due to breakage in our world as young children, the people closest to us are the ones who receive the most projection of that emptiness, that yearning, that desire to fill that painful hole. The projections are not obvious though. They are disguised in many behaviors, sometimes insidious.
What are we to do? Spend years of time and thousands of dollars in psychotherapy?
Some choose that option.
Others cannot get to a place where they see their part. They live their lives blaming others for what happened. Those that don't have the inner vision to see that they are in charge of most everything, will continue through life just as they are.
The crack in the psyche can only be filled with healthy self love. That is the only answer.
I am the only one who is with me constantly, sending myself messages, directing the ship, guiding everything along the way. If I cannot give myself unconditional and 100% accepting love, no one will be able to do it for me.
If I am not for myself, who will be?
This is what led me to realize I needed to go on a serious diet. I needed The Love Diet™.
Since we are all basically projecting ourselves onto each other anyway, why not put ourselves on a certain diet so we can fill ourselves with a particular thing, a new projection, thus projecting that onto the world instead of the infantile coping mechanisms we developed as children?
But we are dealing with coping skills developed as children; they cannot be changed so readily. It is almost as though we need to go back to the time when we were children, right around the time of breaking, and just love ourselves to the point of exhaustion. There literally needs to be a smothering of love, like in the womb. Why not use self love as the healing tool? Something must fill that place; the only true medicine that can heal the spot, while being healthy to project onto others out in the world is love.
Beautiful people, many of us need to go on The Love Diet™. That is what I decided is the answer here. :-)
For example, if you want to lose weight, you go on a diet.
If you choose a 'high protein diet' and consume lots of protein, in a short amount of time, weight loss will be noticeable.
Another diet that is low-fat will also work to shed the pounds.
It has been my experience that one can lose weight different ways, all that needs to be done is sticking to the diet!
The key to success in dieting is sticking to the diet, it is as simple as that.
With The Love Diet™ you will be consuming love, love, love. You will eat love for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
You will snack on love with The Love Diet™. But you will never get sick of it because no human can tire of a good dose of self love. No one can tire of a good hug of the inner child.
So what benefit would The Love Diet™ have on you?
Imagine being enveloped in lovingkindness 24/7.
Imagine hearing nice words being spoken to yourself all the time.
Imagine hearing the word 'yes' to all things that are good for you.
Imagine relieving a lot of stress in your life and being able to handle upsets whenever you want and being loved in the process.
Imagine having strength to say no to things that don't benefit you or your life and saying yes to the goods things that make you feel excellent.
Imagine responding differently to everything in your life and getting a different response from others as well.
Imagine love coming out of your ears, eyes, nose, mouth and pores.
Imagine layers and layers of bright shiny love!
These are just a few of the things that will happen if you try The Love Diet™.
So how do I follow The Love Diet™?
It is really simple actually.
You will need three things:
1. A calendar that you can put stickers on.
2. Motivational stickers and stars.
3. A commitment to apply self-love techniques for at least 30 days.
The calendar and stickers are juvenile for a reason. We have to go back in time for a while to make some new grooves on the record of the mind. We have to return to that little child and fill any holes with intense love of self that will eventually be greater than the fear, phobias and negativity that filled the hole in the beginning. We need to break the walls around us that were created through the years. The kind of self love we are shooting for is the kind that is nurturing, giving, protecting, totally safe and warm.
When we give ourselves that self love we need so desperately, we will be rewarded.
The first reward is a STICKER.
Don't laugh… I actually looked forward to my stickers today!
The following are considered just a few examples of self-love techniques and when you perform them, you are allowed to put a sticker on your daily calendar! :-)
1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
2. Look at yourself in the mirror, say how beautiful you look today and how wonderful it feels to be alive. Love the wrinkles.
3. Stop thoughts when they go down a negative path. Love and negativity don't mix well at all, so replace the negative with love and the sticker is yours.
4. Eat a meal with 70% living foods. This is definitely self love and deserving of a beautiful sticker.
5. When thinking of past mistakes, feel the self love by rushing to thoughts of gratitude for lessons learned. Self love must push regrets to the surface to be skimmed off.
6. Do your taxes with love or any other paperwork you have been putting off. Why is this self love? Because, anytime you do something that will alleviate stress, you are performing an act of self love. When we procrastinate, we are not involved in self love. The nagging procrastination is actually stressful and remember, we are on The Love Diet™ here.
7. Responding to someone with love is self love. If we respond in anger, we hurt only ourselves.
8. Taking a walk, or run or some form of body movement or exercise is self love for sure. But excess working out and continuing to exercise through pain to achieve an image that was projected on to you by society is not loving at all.
9. Making a list of things you need to do and checking it off as you go is self love. Anytime you make your life easier and are organized, you are in a loving position with yourself.
10. Say no to a thing you know is not benefitting you. Replace it with a loving option. Refuse that negative thing and DEMAND the love. It will be yours if you demand it of yourself. Don't settle for anything less than TRUE LOVE!
You know best how to love yourself and give yourself true goodness, so be creative and come up with your own personal list of self love techniques. Always ask yourself, "Is this a loving thing to do?" Be honest with yourself and move on to something else if it is not.
Btw, nurturing self love is the epitome of high style and elegance in my opinion. :-)
Please join me as I continue to immerse myself in non-narcissistic self love (in a stylish way of course).
See you next time!